When one person gets CFS, Fibromyalgia or any type of illness that is chronic, it becomes a family illness. Everyone who we are close to in our lives becomes affected by our physical limitations and how the illnesses also can change us emotionally as well. I admit that I am a moody person and I am blessed that I have the family, siblings, son and husband that I have. They all have accepted me for who I am, even though my diseases and my years of health problems has not been easy on them either.
I have been very fortunate in that my family has always been supportive and has never doubted the fact that I am sick. I have talked to many, many chronic illness patients whose families have been horrible to them and treated them absolutely terrible, called them “lazy” and practically written them off because they didn’t believe they were sick. I have never had to deal with any of this, thank God.
CFS & Fibromyalgia are so complicated, my husband will tell me often that he feels helpless. He wants to do something to help me but he can’t. He just has to watch me suffer. Then when the flares turn in to a week(s), it feels as though I am in a pressure cooker because I can see how badly these illnesses are scaring him. He will start asking me the second I wake up in the morning (and I mean practically the second my eyes open – no kidding!) – “Are you feeling any better yet?” I always say, “Uh – give me time to wake up to see if I know!”
Then the questions will continue on and off all day and all evening – “Feeling any better yet?” The thing is he knows how I feel by looking at my eyes – my eyes give it away. It’s just this desperation for me to feel better that he has this hope and it makes the pressure for me to feel better get worse. He has told me before that he fears that I will die from these illnesses during a flare because he has seen me so sick; sicker than he has seen people with terminal illnesses. So this is on his mind every single time I have a flare, which is a lot. That’s a lot for someone to deal with.
That knowledge makes me feel guilty and when I see my illnesses affecting my husband and son like this, it is a lot of pressure to feel well. There are times when I will just lie and say that I’m starting to feel better even if I’m not to help relieve some of the pressure because seeing relief on their faces is like the sun coming out after months of rainy days. Do any of you ever feel this way?