I love my son more than life itself, but the last couple of weeks I have been having tremendous feelings of needing to have my own space and wanting desperately to be alone – just for a couple of days. I feel guilty feeling this way, yet I am sure I am not alone with these feelings.
I am really struggling with depression today and I just want to run away – I can’t help it. I think with the mixture of no longer being able to work, not feeling well most of the time, the lack of money that we’ve had, and just plain being bored has all manifested into this huge need to get out of here.
Fortunately, my husband understands and I was crying to him on the phone this morning. I feel as though I am stuck in a catch 22 – like today for example. I feel bad enough that I do not have the energy to really get involved in anything, yet I don’t feel bad enough to know that I am going stir crazy. Does that make sense? I am hoping others will respond to let me know that they are going, or have went through the same emotions.
I only have one year until my son begins school and I have made a vow that I will not get involved in anything heavily (I want to take some college courses when he starts school) because I want to spend this last year with him. Yet in the process I feel as though I am losing myself and going crazy. I have also not been sleeping well for quite a while now, so I am sure that the lack of sleep is affecting me too. Any advice I would greatly appreciate!
By all means, get away lady!!!!! You should not feel guilty! Think about all the alone time you got before you had a baby. You have none of that anymore. It is so natural to want some of your own space for a while. Get a baby sitter and either get out of your house, or make the sitter take him out of the house. Do whatever makes you feel good, even if it’s just enjoying peace and quiet while he is safely having fun with someone other than boring old mom. (meant jokingly, of course 😉 )
No guilt. I have a close friend who is a stay at home of her two little ones, and when she and I go out for drinks, they sometimes cry at the door for her, and she has a pang, but she knows that she spends all day with them, and it is okay to go and be herself for a while.
I completely identify with what you are going through. When you are stuck in the house, day after day, you definitely need a change of scenery. Every mom needs space and time for herself, and when you deal with a chronic illness on top of that, the need must be more intense. I don’t have kids, but I do have dogs, and I need to get away from them sometimes. I also identify with feeling too sick to do anything, but not so sick that you don’t realize you’re bored. This is one of the worst kind of days.
I give myself permission to feel whatever I’m feeling. Miserable? Stir crazy? Bored? Whatever. Feel it. Then I try and give myself something, like permission to just curl up on the couch and watch a movie or to completely slug. The only way to get through this is one day at a time. And those days are gonna pass anyway, so you may as well give yourself what you need.
Sandy, be grateful for and cherish the time to yourself that you do have- the couple days a week that your son goes to day care. Most stay at home Mom’s don’t have that. 🙂
Cassandra, You are right. I do appreciate that time. When I am feeling especially bad, as I have been lately, it doesn’t seem to be enough. My babysitter, who usually watches him for one night a week about 2 hours, is back from a month long vacation so I will have her back 1 night a week.
When I used to be in Mary Kay, I was gone a good bit. I was still here to spend a lot of time with him, but I had my own girlfriend time too.
Thanks to everyone else also for the advice. I only have one child – for those of you who have 2 or more (like Cassandra) I guess I probably sound petty.
Not petty at all Sandy! I truly think having one child is harder. Girlfriend time is very important! I try to incorporate girlfriend time into my days- like today I took my kids to the Waynesboro pool and met a girlfriend of mine there. Our kids played together and we sat and chit chatted quite a bit. Tomorrow we are meeting another family at the local school to let the kids rollerblade and/or ride their bikes while the other mom and I sit under a tree and talk. Girlfriend time, kids excersizing, everyone out of the house.