My husband tries to tell me all of the time not to worry about the small stuff. I have a habit of blaming my lack of stress on my illnesses, which I know is a part of it, but I know the majority of it comes from my own control issues and my need for perfection.
I am the type of person who is all or nothing. No matter how hard I try to work on myself, I find that I can’t do something just a little bit. I either throw myself 150% into it, or I do 0%. There is never a happy medium. I am like this in many aspects of my life and although it can be a very good thing, it can also be very unhealthy too. I’m the perfect example of that!
When I was working in direct sales, I set a goal daily, weekly and monthly. I not only had to hit each goal, but I also had to exceed it. Now I know those of you out there who are professionals, bosses, and managers would love to have all of your employees be like that. I was also very much like this when I worked full time. I was always told by my bosses that I was “the exception to the rule” when it came to quality work, performance, and ambition. I am really not trying to brag on myself and I hope it doesn’t sound like that. I just want to paint a picture of the type of driven person I have always been.
My need to be all things, all the time and to hit all goals has sent my body in a downward spiral. Even though I am no longer able to hold down a job, I still set goals for myself for things I want to accomplish: projects around the house, personal growth, working on this blog, my writing, etc.
This week I have found that I am just so stressed out because I have had a couple of bad days where things just have not went well, and because of that I have not been able to accomplish the goals that I have set for myself. Then I get stressed out about it, then I feel like crap, and it’s downhill from there. I have days, even weeks sometimes, where I can pace myself and be mellow and not worry but then I have those times where the “old Sandy” returns and I get that Superwoman mentality where I think I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
I haven’t been sleeping well either – I have been going through some personal issues right now that are keeping me awake at night so all in all I have been rather miserable the last few days.
The weekend is almost here and today I am going to visit my great-niece and have breakfast with my sister. I just need to get away from the house and I think I will feel a lot better.