Do you ever feel as though you have major personality changes since you developed ME/CFS? I know that I can be difficult to live with because of these and it can be very confusing to family and friends. I know my husband and son feel as though they have to tip toe around me most of the time because they don’t know if something they say or do on a particular day will make me laugh or mad. At work I am the same way. Some days, especially those days when I am going on little sleep, my symptoms are flaring like crazy, every little thing a customer does will drive me crazy. I have caught myself rolling my eyes, being snippy, and being rude at times.
I don’t mean to be like this and I don’t do it on purpose. Most of the time I am very friendly, nice, kind, and I get a lot of compliments from customers on how much they enjoyed the service I gave them, how nice I am, and how they love the fact that I actually look at them and talk to them while I am waiting on them. But those other days – it’s a wonder I haven’t gotten called into the office. I know it’s very difficult for my family to deal with. If I had to live with someone who acted like me at times, I would leave.
I am a pretty particular person and I like to have things neat, organized, and very clean. I hate messes of any kind and I know – when you have children you will have messes. I have improved a lot since my son came along but I still don’t like dirt or messes, I’m just a little more tolerable of them now. So if I am having a good day and I am feeling fairly well, and I’m not too sleep deprived, a spill or a mess doesn’t upset me. However, on days where I am sleep deprived or having major flares of one of my illnesses, the smallest mess can drive me through the roof.
My husband and son have both questioned me as to why one time something bothers me but the next time it doesn’t. The only thing I can tell them is that when I don’t feel well, everything bothers me because I don’t have any energy, I am totally miserable, I’m in pain and everything seems to be magnified. If I only have one chore to do that day, it can seem like I have several chores because physically and mentally there’s nothing there.
I used to think that so many of the odd things I have to live with were only experienced by me and I really thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I would think so poorly of myself until I started to realize that many people with ME/CFS go through the same experiences that I do. I have never brought this up before on here but I’m sure I’m not alone with the personality changes either. Please comment if you go through these yourself and to what extreme.