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You are here: Home / Sandy's Journey / My Journey Continues…

My Journey Continues…

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After I left my ex-husband, I went into therapy to help me cope with the divorce.  I felt like a failure.  Through this process, I learned why I pushed myself to such extremes.  I was extremely unhappy in my marriage and I became a workaholic and led an extremely busy life to avoid the unhappiness, and to avoid going home.  Even when I was home, I would always have plans to either clean, redecorate, refurbish, whatever I could do to keep my mind occupied.  I also took on an additional job of cleaning my boss’ house on my ONLY DAY OFF, EVERY OTHER WEDNESDAY!  My ex-husband was not a bad person, he just had no dreams, no goals, had no desire to do anything fun, and expected me to be the same way.  His idea of a good time was to buy a case of beer on Friday night and set around all weekend drinking it.  He was not a nice drunk.  I had bigger plans for my life and I finally got up the courage to leave because I knew that I deserved better than that. 

I also learned through therapy that I continually pushed myself because of being insecure.  By working all the long hours, being in a management position, it gave me a feeling of worth because I never felt good about myself.  I can even remember going back to my childhood and teenage years trying to out do others and wanting that attention and feeling of superiority.  I also grew up overweight and by at the age of 19, I lost almost 80 pounds.  But unfortunately, I did not lose the weight the right way and I restricted my daily calorie count to extremely low amounts.  So to top off the fact that I had CFIDS, I pushed my body to unbearable limits and was under nourished, and I was a smoker (I quit 9 years ago!).    I know those reading this probably think, “It’s no wonder you are ill!”  You are right – I look back now on the years that have passed and it is no wonder.  But slowly I have learned, and I am still learning, from my mistakes and I want to share with others WHAT NOT TO DO, as well as what to do. 

My next post on My Journey Continues I will be talking about how I met my current husband and more relapses of CFS.  Stay tuned!

Filed Under: Sandy's Journey Tagged With: Sandy's Journey

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  1. Trent Bussard says

    September 2, 2011 at 8:14 am

    We are a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your site offered us with valuable info to work on. You’ve done a formidable job and our entire community will be thankful to you.

    Reply

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