Well, my flare continues and I had to call and tell my employer that I would need to be off at least this week and it could be longer – I just don’t know. I know it’s hard for them to understand and the manager wanted to know if I have medical proof that documents what I say I have. Yeah I have proof – like 20 years worth! Maybe I should take it all in and let them read through it! LOL
I have been sleeping on the couch for a week now because the night sweats are so severe I know there is no use in me going to bed. I would just be tossing and turning all night and my husband wouldn’t get any sleep. I am feeling a little better today. I do have to keep resting but I didn’t have that extreme exhaustion feeling today like I have had for the past week. I also put a freeze on my gym membership. I will not be going back until this flare is completely over. When I do return, I am just going to have to stick with the strength training and some light treadmill walking. It really sucks when you try to do everything right and your body turns on you.
I always feel like I’m being punished for something to have to go through this. My son made a comment yesterday that had me in tears but I didn’t let him see me cry. He said that he wished I wasn’t sick all of the time and he wished that I was more fun to be around. I know he wasn’t trying to be hurtful but it did upset me. I feel guilty enough and that comment just made me feel even more depressed.
I am frustrated and lonely. Even though I have a husband and son here with me, I still feel so alone.