I was totally humiliated yesterday at work when I had a mini-breakdown. It is becoming abundantly clear to me that while I can’t stand being at home all of the time, working is not turning out to be a positive outlet for me.
When I was hired, I was told I would be doing one job, which is the least physical, but I have been scheduled lately almost every shift to do a physical job which is causing me a lot of problems. At first I thought with the few hours I work I would be able to handle it but I can’t. I talked to the boss, told her I physically was unable to do the job, but she didn’t take it out of my job description so I have still been doing the same thing.
Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well at all and I broke down in front of one of the managers. I was asked to do something that I know I could not do but no one else would do the job either for the boss on duty. What upset me the most is there was a kid there about half my age but they wanted me to do this very physical job. This was after the one manager told the shift boss that I could not do anything that physical. Then I was having trouble working because of the severe pain from my FM that was in every joint of my body and I walked to the corner and broke down.
The one manager asked me what was wrong and I told her that I want to work so bad but everytime I try it never works out and it looks like it’s not going to work out this time either. I usually keep my emotions in check and don’t let people know what I am really feeling but it was just like everything became very real for me. While I thought I had accepted all of my health issues, it still hurts to not be able to do what you love.