Do you remember the days before ME/CFS where you just got up, went about your daily routine and didn’t think, rethink, and overthink every step you take and every move you make? (Great – now I have the Police song “Every Step You Take” going through my head!) People unlike us, the healthy ones, or who I refer to as “normals”, go through life just going and doing whatever their hearts desire and never realize how lucky they are to not have to worry about how their activity will affect them tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or the week after that.
Because of ME/CFS symptoms, particularly the cognitive dysfunction and post-exertional malaise, I personally feel as though I have to take into consideration every little detail of daily activities in order to try and get through life. Does that make sense? For example, I have to determine daily if it would be less exhausting for me to take my shower in the morning or at night. If I have to work plus run errands afterwards, I have to usually break up my errands into a couple of days because to do it all at once is too exhausting. If I want to have a weekend away with my family, which we usually plan well in advance, I try to schedule all housecleaning and errand running so that I have very little to do the week of our getaway. I still have to work but with the exception of laundry and cooking meals, I do little else at home so that I have energy to go away. If I’m not going anywhere & if I don’t have to work, I usually won’t bother to put on any makeup and I have my hair cut every four weeks so that it only takes me five minutes to style.
Over the years I have went from the woman who wanted it all to the woman who contemplates and tries to figure out every possible way to make life easier and less exhausting. I went from loving to have decorations all over my house and practically every wall space covered to minimalizing it all so that I have way less to dust. Every action & every decision I make revolves around how it will affect my ME/CFS & how many days a particular activity may keep me on the couch lifeless.
Now that my son is an active first grader (almost 2nd grader – hard to believe!), I have school activities and his sports activities I have to constantly analyze as well. We only allow him to participate in one sports activity at a time because I know that there is no way I would be able to handle all of the running around to practices and games that is involved. He just finished soccer and my husband had to take him to a few of his practices for me and I missed two of his games because I was too exhausted.
Wouldn’t it be great to go back to the days where you didn’t have to think about all of this stuff? How many of you are the same way and analyze every step you take? Please comment!