I love the holidays, but this time of year every year I feel like I am falling apart and I don’t recognize myself and it affects my family. It’s not the stress of the holidays or anything like that because I usually have the majority of my Christmas shopping done early and we always put the tree up on Thanksgiving evening.
It’s the effects that the weather and the time change have on my health. I have trouble focusing, I can’t even think of anything to write on here. I research all of the time on the Internet for new things to write about and new studies being done and even with that I can’t concentrate enough to write a post about it. I’m sure you can tell from my posts on here when I am having bad days. I know it reflects in the quality of the work I do here.
All I want to do is sleep during the day right now. Yes, we did have a very busy weekend with my BIL’s cancer benefit dinner I sponsored, but it is more than that. I feel as though I am always walking around in a fog right now and I have been accomplishing very little.
My eyes look like tiny slits that I can barely keep open and it takes everything I have just to go to the bathroom or to heat something up for dinner. I know it is all part of CFS – after almost 20 years I know the signs. The weather here the past few days has been very cold and windy and it bothers me physically a lot.
Yesterday I had to run a few errands and I was gone from about 8:45 a.m. – 11:30 a.m. I really wasn’t up to doing them but with Christmas almost here, it was something that I couldn’t really put off any longer. When I returned home I was miserable and I slept from lunchtime until 2:30 p.m. My son wasn’t up to doing much when he came home from school which was a good thing today because I had to lie back down and I slept for another hour.
My husband keeps telling me not to worry about it. If I am sleeping that much then I must need it. But I still can’t help but feel guilty sometimes because he has health problems too (a bad heart) and he has to go out and work every day and here I am sleeping most of my day away. I do my best so that when he comes home he doesn’t have to do anything around the house. I take care of all of the cleaning, laundry, cooking, dishes, shopping, etc. It just takes me a while to do it, that’s all! To me that seems fair. He has to go out and work every day when he doesn’t always feel well. It is only fair that I try and keep up with things at home. When I really can’t do it, we get help or he helps me but I try not to ask him very often. I know how hard he works and how tired he is when he gets home.
I think I am fighting some sort of stomach bug or something too. If that problem doesn’t clear up within the next day or so I will have to see the doctor. I can’t eat without ending up in the bathroom and without having severe pains in my left side and in my lower back area. I thought it was possibly my IBS symptoms worsening but now I don’t think so. With CFS and FM, who knows?
Have a nice day!