I always feel as though I post the same things over and over when I am writing about my own personal health issues, but for those of us with CFS, FM and even IC, this is our life. The symptoms just keep repeating themselves over and over again. Some days are better than others, some days are worse. Since Friday I have to say my symptoms are definitely worse.
I am completely exhausted and the only thing on my mind is sleep – I just want to drift off and not wake up until I can function properly. But we live in the real world and unless you can afford to have someone come in and cook all your meals and take care of your children, drifting off for any long period of time is not possible.
My IC symptoms are acting up, too so that doesn’t help the exhaustion any. I long for the day when a cure will be found for all of these illnesses. My bladder symptoms are not as severe as they once where (thank God!) and sometimes between flares I forget how severe the pain and pressure can really get.
Going to the bathroom every few minutes is a real pain. But the biggest frustration is being exhausted from the CFS, and then having to get up and run to the bathroom every few minutes when your body is begging for sleep. That is where I am at right now.
My husband and I went away on Friday to do a toy show in Baltimore, which is about two hours away. I haven’t had my IC symptoms flare much for a while, so I didn’t bother wearing Depends. You think I would know better by now! As soon as we left the house my bladder started going into spasms and we had to stop several times on our trip for me to pee.
Then it was the fear and anxiety of being stuck in rush hour traffic that sent my bladder into further spasms. Stress and worry are definitely not good for an already upset bladder! But we made it and with several more trips to the bathroom, by the time we went to bed I was exhausted. I woke several times throughout the night to use the bathroom and the next day I felt completely drained and washed out. By lunchtime, my husband and even a customer who I had never seen before agreed that I needed to go to the van and take a nap. Obviously, I looked pretty bad if a stranger could tell I wasn’t doing too hot.
So off to the van I went where I did manage to sleep in the cold for about an hour. We made it home at about 7:30 p.m. on Saturday evening, I read to my son, and kept popping pain pills hoping for some bladder pain relief and to help my headache that was getting worse as the night went on.
Sunday we never made it to church. I awoke around 9:00 a.m. and then fell back to sleep until lunchtime. My son had a birthday party to go to and if it wouldn’t have been for that, I would have been in bed all day I’m sure. While he was at the party I picked up a few groceries and was glad I didn’t have that to worry about after the party was over.
After we came home, I slept again for another two hours while my husband and son played. I slept pretty well all night, with the occasional bathroom wake up, and Monday morning the fatigue was still as severe and the bladder pain was still bad.
My biggest fear is what will I be like at 50 years old or 60 years old? If I am this way now, and health issues tend to worsen with age, I’m doomed!