Today I am having a down day. I had trouble sleeping last night due to my restless legs acting up. The last time I remember looking at the clock it was after 1:00 a.m. I woke up again around 5:30 a.m. so I had about four hours of sleep. For some people, four hours is enough but my body requires 9 – 10+ in order for me to feel reasonably rested. Those nights are few and far between though. I have been dealing with this restless legs syndrome for years now and I guess I’m going to have to break down and get some medication for it. My pills that I take to help sleep (Trazadone) doesn’t seem to help it any. I’ve noticed over the past few months the restless legs are getting worse, keeping me up longer, and I have to get in stranger and stranger positions to try and get some relief. They are not very lady like I can assure you but hey – whatever does the trick!
Then when I wake up this morning, I can barely function. When you have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, everything else is magnified when it comes to health. I started my period so I can barely function today. I got up off the couch to get my son his breakfast, tried to make some iced tea for hubby and I had to go back and lie down. I just could not go. I feel awful and I feel even worse because my son has to live with a mother who is like this.
My son can tell just by the way I say “good morning” to him whether I feel good or not. That was the first thing out of his mouth this morning, “You don’t feel good, do you mommy?” It breaks my heart. He is the most adorable child and I don’t have the energy to play with him a lot of the time. It’s a good thing he has school to look forward to in the fall. I think I will probably start feeling somewhat better once he is in school because I will be able to rest – really rest – without interruption when I don’t feel well. I don’t mean that to sound harsh towards him because I love my little guy so very much. But those of you moms and dads out there with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome know all too well that rest is what we need when we are not feeling well. And when you have small children around, there isn’t any rest, which further deteriorates our bodies.
I don’t even remember anymore what normal feels like. “Normal” to me hasn’t existed for so many years I wonder sometimes if it ever really did exist. Just taking a shower today was exhausting and that was after 11:00 a.m. when I was finally able to do that.
Yesterday we took our son to East Broadtop Railroad, since he just absolutely loves trains. It is about 45 minutes from where we live and it is a nice little ride. We spent a few hours there, riding the train and trolley, and then came home. I was exhausted and had to take a two hour nap.
I try to keep my spirits up and not dwell on feeling poorly, but some days it is very hard. The worse I feel physically, the worse I feel mentally. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.