I know a lot of people don’t understand why I don’t look forward to Christmas, but if you suffer like I do, I know you know where I’m coming from. For me, the holidays just represent more work, more exhaustion, more flares. I try my best to stay upbeat for my family but all I can think about is how all of the extras of the season are going to come back to bite me with a bedridden flare.
This year is even more of a worry for me because we have additional things going on that will make this holiday season very busy. I always start to feel depressed and all I want is not to feel that way. I guess I need to put that on my Christmas list for Santa…no depression for Christmas. I know that it is common for us with chronic illness to become depressed around the holidays and article after article will give ideas and suggestions on how not to be depressed around the holidays, but who am I kidding? I’m tired of writing those articles when I’m not feeling it myself.
Getting gifts ready, whether they are wrapped or put in gift bags, shopping…all of the little extras that “normals” take for granted are just added stressors for me. Trying to remember everything is another problem. My mind is constantly going with what I can’t forget, who I still need to buy presents for, etc. Lists aren’t even working for me this year because I’m then wondering who I forgot to put on the list. It just goes on and on and I want the stress to be over!
I think I need to up my Prozac over the next couple of weeks until the holidays die down. Trying to talk to others about this doesn’t help because they don’t get it. Most people suggest that you just don’t worry about it. That’s easy to say when they are the ones who can wait until the last minute to do everything and still have lots of energy left over. I don’t have that luxury. None of us do who are sick.