As I was writing my post for today on my IC Disease blog, I sort of poured my heart out about how I am feeling a little down the past few days. I wrote about my passion for sharing information on misunderstood illnesses that I suffer from like CFS, Fibromyalgia and IC Disease, and how there are days when I wish I didn’t have to explain anything to anyone. Simple things that are easy for healthy people I feel as though I have to explain and defend as to why I can’t do them because most people just don’t get how hard the simplest task may be for someone like me.
I was naive and thought I could go back out into the working world and fit in with the other employees but after just a few short months I am realizing that I don’t fit in and I probably will never fit in anywhere.
I would love to not have to go through everyting I do and to be able to lead a normal life. I know I have talked before about how “normal” is in the eyes of the beholder, and “normal” to me is probably a lot simpler than what it is to many other people.
“Normal” to me is healthy. “Normal” to me is being able to go into work and not worry about whether or not my register is going to get too busy and I won’t be able to make it to the bathroom in time because of my IC Disease. “Normal” to me is being able to work an extra four hour shift at work a week without thinking how it will affect my health. “Normal” to me is being able to enjoy the holidays without worrying about whether I’m going to be too exhausted to enjoy my son’s excitement when he opens his presents on Christmas morning.
Most days I deal with being sick pretty well but there is something about Christmas that brings up those old feelings of doubting myself and causes me to slip back into a sort of depression over years of chronic illness.
Okay – whine over! I really try not to complain and feel sorry for myself too often. I guess I’m just feeling a little depressed right now. The video below is of one of my favorite Christmas songs. Enjoy the video.