Feeling Like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde With Chronic Illness
November 20, 2009 by Sandy Robinson
Filed under Chronic Illnesses, Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS
Personality changes are common among people with chronic illness. Because of chronic pain, extreme fatigue and exhaustion and just the severity of the illnesses can take a real toll on patients mentally along with physically.
I personally feel like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde and I’m sure that many people over the years have wondered who the real Sandy is because of this. I have always basically been an upbeat, happy person who smiles big and loves life and gets really excited about new adventures. But when I am having a bad day or a severe flare, I need to be left alone. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want anyone around me, and I am not very friendly. Every little thing annoys me and I become a recluse. Going back to work a few hours a week has helped this somewhat because it forces me to get out but it can be very difficult working with the public when I am having a CFS, Fibromyalgia and/or IC Disease flare.
I have always felt like I needed to hide how bad I really feel and, as long as I am not feeling extremely bad, I can usually put on a smile, turn on the charm and do what I need to do while I’m in public. Once I get in my car or get home, I burn out and there’s nothing left. I try to put on a happy face at home, especially for my son, but there are times when that’s not even possible. I can say just one word to my son and he will know I’m not well. He will say, “I can tell you’re sick, Mommy. Your voice sounds funny”.
Back when I first became sick, I learned how to force feeling well and acting well because I believed that if I pretended that I was healthy, I would become healthy. Now after being sick 20 years, I know that thinking myself well is only making me more exhausted and sicker some days because it takes a lot of energy to try and be like the person I am when I feel well. I can’t seem to stop doing it, however. I think it’s because when I am having a really bad day and it’s noticeable to others, I don’t like the attention. I don’t like hearing that I look bad, tired, sick, exhausted and all of the other comments that I get.
Even around my family (parents, in-laws, etc.) I will try to hide how I feel a lot of the time when I am around them. I will turn on the smiling face, try to crack a few jokes while the whole time I just want to be in bed because my body is screaming for me to go there. When I know that I am too bad off to be able to fake it, I just stay away. I know it’s hard for them to understand and none of them possibly can because they don’t live in my body.
I guess another reason I feel like I have to be something I’m not physically feeling up to being is because it’s really hard for me to let people in – even those closest to me. It’s something I really struggle with and have struggled with ever since I became ill.
Personality changes because of chronic illness affect our daily lives and relationships with family and friends. How have you learned how to cope with your Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde times? Let me know in the comments!
Related posts:
- Feeling Alone with ME/CFS & Fibromyalgia I have said over and over again that I am...
- Doc Says Sexual Abuse Leads to Chronic Illness I was reading another article where a physician claims that...
- Depression Around the Holidays for ME/CFS & Fibromyalgia Patients I know a lot of people don’t understand why I...
- Five Things You Should Never Say to Someone with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I submitted an article for a contest tonight to Health...
- My Latest ME/CFS Flare Continues This latest CFS flare I’m having has been lasting for...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
This rings lots of bells for me.
I’ve been ill for nearly 10 years, but part of the way I learnt to deal with was to not express how bad I felt, or how hopeless I thought it was sometimes. And although I *do* feel like that sometimes, I think not fully expressing it allows me to burn through it in a way and keep on functioning. Or maybe that’s just me justifying my own dysfunction
That said, I do think that you need to be able to think yourself healthy to be the most well you can be. Certainly my mental state effects my physical state, and when I’m not feeling good in my mind I’m not feeling physically good. Not letting my head fester in that state contributes to the level of my health, I’m sure.
But, the closest people to me can always tell when I’m ill or tired from my voice, and that is something I can’t control. Which I’m oddly thankful for, because I know if I had the option the control freak in me would hide every last symptom.
Dear Sandy,
I am sorry for what you go through daily.
I feel your pain. If I didn’t know better, I
would think that I wrote those words.
I am at aLways at a loss for words when
it comes to describing how I feel– you did
it perfectly!
What is hard for me is that my mother has
been sick since 2002 so even when I feel
bad I still have to go help her daily. I always
try to be pleasant, but sometimes it is so hard.
I wish you all the best, and a complete
recovery.
I have been ill for 3 yrs. now. (FMS/CFS, severe hearing loss & balance disorder all springboarded from a virus). I’m a mom to 3 young children, in my very early 30’s and it’s hard. I’m helped by remembering songs that uplifted me at some point & watching tv shows that I love. It also helps me to eliminate or limit my exposure to cynical people, read inspiration quotes, write, pray & meditate.
And yes, my husband and kids can spot a flare up a mile away. I tend to go inward. On not so good days, I hope no one asks “How are you feeling?” I honestly feel that that phrase is mainly used as a convo starter. And that they truly are not ready to know “how I feel”. So on those bad days, my response to that question is “I’m here”, and greatful for it. Hang in there guy’s
(FMS/CFS suffer 3 yrs., kids of a suffers for over 20 yrs.)
Hello, my name is Lori. January is Thyroid Disease Awareness Month and I wanted to bring this to your attention as a reminder that thyroid disease often manifests with fibromyalgia type symptoms and that it is important to be tested for thyroid disease. May doctors do not test adequately for thyroid diseae and that’s why it is important to educate yourself. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue/narcolepsy. Several years later I was finally diagnosed with thyroid disease and many of my severe fibro-like symptoms have improved. My thyroid disease is not optimally treated yet so I am hoping those symptoms will improve further. I was amazed to see how many symptoms of both diseaes are the same including muscle and joint pain, word finding difficulities, depression, brain-fog, etc. I would also like to leave this link for information.
http://bit.ly/4t0XjK
Thank you,
lori